Comedy at Work

When I was working in the Middle East, one of my employees put on the better part of a hundred pounds in under nine months. My team operated an entry control point, at which location he killed at least two metal folding chairs. Near the end of that nine month stint, one of my other employees dropped a supply request that read as follows:

Description: Extra Heavy Duty Titanium Chair
Unit Price (USD): 1,000,000
Justification: An Extra Heavy Duty Titanium Chair is needed for the "support" of Facility Control teammates assigned to the ECP. Estimated price may be exceedingly high for this item; however initial cost is estimated to save the company 3.6 billion dollars over the next few months for the expenditure of folding metal chairs.

Several years later, I'm now in a position to be amused. In all honesty, I was amused at the time, I just wasn't in a position to be amused.

Two-Year-Old Fun with OSGEOINT

Note: I originally wrote this on 04 January 2012. I'm pretty sure it was originally an E-mail to my now-ex-girlfriend. I've edited it a bit to account for the fact that it's nearly two years old.

I'm actually writing this before the first post for the new blog has been published... And, actually, before I've nailed down web space for it, or named it, or anything of that sort. That said, I've spent the day working on a couple of things that are sort of good icebreaker topics, which is to say, things that tie into some of the interests that would help a person get to know me. So, I decided to write something up.

1) I harbor an unhealthy obsession with Orkney. Orkney is an archipelago that's about ten miles off the north coast of Scotland. I met and subsequently visited some Orkney residents when I was in college, and I fell in love with the place.

2) I've also been working on a couple of novels, set overseas, since late 2007. I've found myself endowed with an inordinate amount of free time at work lately, so I've decided to read through and make some adjustments. Significant events that have taken place since I started writing in 2007, which will require major or minor revisions to what I've written already, include:

the The 2008 South Ossetia War between Russia and the Republic of Georgia;

the The Arab Spring;

the death of Osama bin Laden;

the Libyan Civil War and the death of Moammar Qaddhafi; and

the end of the Iraq War.

So, I need to spend a some of my down time going through both novels and making some edits.

3) I love satellite imagery. There aren't really very many quizzes like DIGO's imagery analysis quizzes[*], but I can spend hours at a time on Wikimapia doing the same sort of thing that's outlined in that quiz.

Okay, that brings us to today.[**] I've had a few passages for my novels that I've been wanting to write for a while, and I started working on one today. It's set in Orkney, and I was trying to figure out where one of my characters could be staying. A few days ago, I'd looked at some websites about places to stay in Orkney, and I went to work trying to find it again. Eventually, I found it - I'd seen the website about The Ruah, a guest house on Eday, located here. My search led me to discover another guest accommodation on North Ronaldsay[***], the Howar Farm. Having found The Ruah without much trouble, I decided to go looking for the Howar Farm, using clues from the pictures on their website to find it on the satellite map. After at least half an hour of poring over the satellite maps of the entire island (fortunately, it's a small island), I finally found another website (the North Ronaldsay page on the official Orkney tourism website) that helped me to confirm the location.

Awesome.

* That link is totally broken. For like, two years now. It's really a bummer, it was a good quiz.

** Again, not actually today. Nearly two years ago.

*** The most interesting thing about North Ronaldsay is that it's the home of the North Ronaldsay sheep, which is uniquely able to subsist on seaweed. North Ronaldsay may also be the setting of part of Mary Shelley's Frankenstein. In Chapter 19, Shelley writes:

"Having parted from my friend, I determined to visit some remote spot of Scotland and finish my work in solitude. I did not doubt but that the monster followed me and would discover himself to me when I should have finished, that he might receive his companion. With this resolution I traversed the northern highlands and fixed on one of the remotest of the Orkneys as the scene of my labours. It was a place fitted for such a work, being hardly more than a rock whose high sides were continually beaten upon by the waves. The soil was barren, scarcely affording pasture for a few miserable cows, and oatmeal for its inhabitants, which consisted of five persons, whose gaunt and scraggy limbs gave tokens of their miserable fare. Vegetables and bread, when they indulged in such luxuries, and even fresh water, was to be procured from the mainland, which was about five miles distant."

Also awesome.

Defeating Technology: Outsmarting Websites, Finding Podcasts

As I'll note in subsequent posts about my Kindle Fire, I love outsmarting technology and making it do my bidding.

I learned basic HTML in high school, and I've picked up a few tricks through blogging and other pursuits. While I was living in Virginia, I was looking for information that I could use to counter 9/11 conspiracy theories presented by a couple of friends. One of the things I found was a wealth of information at the Popular Mechanics website - they've got some really smart people who have put together some really detailed information (#1, #2) aimed at debunking the conspiracy theories that have cropped up since 9/11.

There's a great podcast in the mix, but there's no download link, only a player. The original link that I had from several years ago - 2007 or 2008, maybe? - had disappeared, but the audio file was obviously still located somewhere since the player still worked. With a little ingenuity, and my basic knowledge of HTML, I was finally able to find a working link and download it. The podcast itself is too brief to go into detail about every conspiracy theory swirling around 9/11, but it goes through a number of the common lapses in logic used by 9/11 conspiracy theorists. The Popular Mechanics content is great in and of itself, but its best feature is that it demonstrates that the sheer volume of science and research is on the non-conspiracist side of the fence. For additional information, the reports from the National Institute for Standards and Technology are also extremely valuable.

More difficult was a January 2012 NPR interview with Chris Isaak on the World Cafe program. I tried to find it in January of 2012, while languishing in a back office in the Middle East. Then, nearly two years later, on the morning of 17 November 2013, while working on this post, the thing about The Sporkful and its snippet on NPR reminded me that I'd never gone and found that Chris Isaak podcast. The thing is, they don't give you a podcast download link, but but buuuuuut, there's an mp3 listed in the source code. I spent just shy of an hour trying one thing after another before I finally found it. I was so pleased, because I hate the idea of relying on a website to keep content up in perpetuity, and I also hate the idea of not being able to listen to stuff whenever I want, regardless of whether I can get an Internet connection or not. (By the way, on the topic of stuff from NPR, here's a 2005 interview by Terry Gross on the Fresh Air program with the authors of Lightning Out of Lebanon: Hezbollah Terrorists on American Soil.)

When I outsmart technology, or otherwise find ways to get a hold of stuff that the content owners don't intend for me to get, it makes me feel like a superior specimen of the human condition.

Early 2014 Reading Goals

Every year, I think that I'm going to spend a lot more time reading than I did the prior year. Every year, I fail miserably. I expect this year to be no different. Even so, there are some books I hope to read.

First and foremost, there are five books on Middle Eastern history, some of which were assigned many years ago by one of my undergraduate history professors, that I'd like to read in order to refresh my memory and/or expand my existing knowledge on the topic. All those years ago, my professor assigned The Age of the Caliphs by Bertold Spuler, Islam: The View from the Edge by Richard Bulliet, and Globalized Islam by Olivier Roy, and I'd like to get those read.

He also discussed What Went Wrong? by Bernard Lewis and Orientalism by Edward Said; and while Said's authority is controversial at best, his work has been influential and I probably ought to read it. He also assigned The Modern Middle East: A History by James Gelvin for a course I audited years later, so I may add that to the agenda as well.

My postgraduate advisor in Aberdeen also used to run an MSc program in Middle Eastern Security. The program is no longer offered, but my advisor tends to keep his old files, so I'm hoping to get a reading list from him.

I may try to throw in some leisure or fiction selections as well, but those items are yet to be determined, if they happen at all.

Expeditionary in Nature

Many, many years ago when I was in the Navy, physical fitness was a constant struggle. It wasn't that I was in awful shape (although I was by no means an athlete like most of my peers), so much as I ran poorly. I've never liked running, I didn't do much of it, and it was always very conspicuous when I was the first one to fall out on battalion runs, or the last one to cross the finish line during Physical Readiness Tests. I was able to pass those tests by swimming instead of running, which was authorized since we were in the Navy. Conversely, once I was out of the Navy, I came to the conclusion that while physical fitness was all well and good, being able to carry a lot of weight for a long distance was of far more use than running a long distance in running shoes. (For what it's worth, I arrived at my conclusion independently of these knuckleheads.) As you'll see soon enough, my long-term physical fitness goals include yomping, rather than running. During my time in Scotland, despite the fact that I'm in awful shape, I was proud of my ability to carrya a lot of weight - fifty pounds or more in some cases - from one point to another.

Then, the other day, I saw this picture, and felt absolutely ashamed of how light a load I was carrying. I can take some solace in the fact that, for all I know, the guy in the picture is carrying his battalion's supply of bogroll. Titled "Everything but the Kitchen Sink", here's the caption from that picture:

Marines with 1st Battalion, 5th Marines patrol towards their objective during an airfield seizure exercise as a part of Exercise Steel Knight 2014 aboard Marine Corps Air Ground Combat Center Twentynine Palms, Calif., Dec. 11, 2013. Steel Knight enables 1st Marine Division to test and refine its command and control capabilities by acting as the headquarters element for a forward-deployed Marine expeditionary force.
(U.S. Marine Corps photo by Cpl. Justin A. Bopp/ Released)

I suppose that makes my agonizing three mile hike from the train station in Thurso to the ferry terminal in Scrabster carrying sixty pounds worth of my personal belongings sort of pales by comparison. At very least, it gives me a baseline to start from, and a goal to shoot for. (It's also worth noting that Twentynine Palms is at a pretty appreciable elevation, whereas Thurso and Scrabster are at sea level. Ugh.) So much for "being expeditionary in nature", huh?

Favorite Passages from C.S. Lewis

As an adult, I've only read multiple selections from a select few authors. One of those authors is C.S. Lewis. In order, I've read: The Screwtape Letters (~2000, PNW), Out of the Silent Planet (2005, PNW), The Abolition of Man (~2005, PNW), The Problem of Pain (2006 PNW), Perelandra (2006, Fort Stewart, Georgia), Mere Christianity (~2010, Virginia), and Surprised by Joy (2011, Middle East). Lewis wrote masterpieces of both fiction and non-fiction, all of them accessible to both initiates and experts, and all of them fantastic lessons in the intricacies of the Christian faith.

There are several C.S. Lewis pages on Facebook, including the official page run by HarperOne Publishers. There used to be an unofficial page that was run by a Mormon girl who subsequently went on her mission, but I can't find it, which means that either Facebook is screwy (always a possibility), or the page was discontinued. Regardless, Lewis is extremely quotable. Over the years, I've accumulated a number of quotes from Lewis that I really like, and I figured I'd share them.

Having said that he was an Atheist, I hasten to add that he was a "Rationalist" of the old, high and dry nineteenth-century type. For Atheism has come down in the world since those days, and mixed itself with politics and learned to dabble in dirt. The anonymous donor who now sends me anti-God magazines hopes, no doubt, to hurt the Christian in me; he really hurts the ex-Atheist. I am ashamed that my old mates and (which matters much more) Kirk's old mates should have sunk to what they are now. It was different then; even McCabe wrote like a man. At the time when I knew him, the fuel of Kirk's Atheism was chiefly of the anthropological and pessimistic kind. He was great on The Golden Bough and Shopenhauer.
- Surprised by Joy

I found this passage quite interesting. I've had numerous philosophical discussions with atheists over the years - rarely, if ever, with the intent to convince them of my own beliefs. Those discussions tend to be the same thing over again. Seldom am I left feeling skeptical about my own beliefs, nor am I usually convinced that they're merely skeptics whose objective appraisal of the available evidence leaves them unconvinced of the existence of a deity. Instead, most of the atheists I've discussed philosophy with seem bitter, cynical, and sententious, with beliefs based largely on emotions, rather than a lack of sufficient evidence to convince them. I realize that there are plenty of folks out there who are either open-minded, ambivalent, or apathetic about faith, and that's part of what's beautiful about Western society - that we're all granted the freedom to come to our own conclusions about faith, or ignore it entirely. My logical, scientific mind wants to sympathize with the skeptics; but with experiences like those Lewis describes, it's pretty tough to do so.

All the same, the New Testament, without going into details, gives us a pretty clear hint of what a fully Christian society would be like. Perhaps it gives us more than we can take. It tells us that there are to be no passengers or parasites: if man does not work, he ought not to eat. Every one is to work with his own hands, and what is more, every one's work is to produce something good: there will be no manufacture of silly luxuries and then of sillier advertisements to persuade us to buy them. And there is to be no "swank" or "side," no putting on airs. To that extent a Christian society would be what we now call Leftist. On the other hand, it is always insisting on obedience-obedience (and outward marks of respect) from all of us to properly appointed magistrates, from children to parents, and (I am afraid this is going to be very unpopular) from wives to husbands. Thirdly, it is to be a cheerful society: full of singing and rejoicing, and regarding worry or anxiety as wrong. Courtesy is one of the Christian virtues; and the New Testament hates what it calls "busybodies." (emphasis added)
- Mere Christianity

I love this passage, for a variety of reasons. I don't necessarily agree with Lewis' assumption that such a society would be "Leftist"; in fact, most of these strike me as entirely conservative values. For example, I think that society providing for those in need is an entirely different matter than government providing for those in need, the latter case being quite prone to abuse by, as Lewis calls them, "passengers or parasites". The idea that one's livelihood ought to be tied to their ability to provide for themself is an entirely conservative value, contrary to the idea of "from each according to his ability, to each according to his need" as espoused by Karl Marx. I also get really sick of the manufacture of useless stuff, and the constant barrage of advertisements aimed at convincing people of their need to own the stuff. I also find that my faith has led me to both question and respect authority, even when respecting authority seems completely counterintuitive. It's just a great passage.

He then translated, with a few, a very few explanations, about a hundred lines. I had never seen a classical author taken in such large gulps before. When he had finished he handed me over Crusius' Lexicon and, having told me to go through again as much as I could of what he had done, left the room. It seems an odd method of teaching, but it worked. At first I could travel only a very short way along the trail he had blazed, but every day I could travel further. Presently I could travel the whole way. Then I could go a line or two beyond his furthest North. Then it became a kind of game to see how far beyond. He appeared at this stage to value speed more than absolute accuracy. The great gain was that I very soon became able to understand a greal deal without (even mentally) translating it; I was beginning to think in Greek. That is the great Rubicon to cross in learning any language. Those in whom the Greek word lives only while they are hunting for it in the lexicon, and who then substitute the English word for it, are not reading the Greek at all; they are only solving a puzzle. The very formula, "Naus means a ship," is wrong. Naus and ship both mean a thing, they do not mean one another. Behind Naus, as behind navis or naca, we want to have a picture of a dark, slender mass with sail or oars, climbing the ridges, with no officious English word intruding.
- Surprised by Joy

Lewis describes Herodotus as a "gossipy, formless book which can be opened anywhere", with which I wholeheartedly agree. Herodotus was a Greek historian whose work we were supposed to have read when I was in college, and I read parts of it. He wrote about the Persian Wars and other stories and descriptions from the eastern Med (to include an entire portion about Egypt and an entire portion about Lydia), and his writing is sort of... Unprofessional? Herodotus was fond of relating stories that were interesting, but could not be independently verified; and he said things like "and his name I know but will not make mention of it", basically deliberately leaving out one detail or another. Lewis actually wrote a "lost chapter of Herodotus" in which he describes the people of "Niatirb" ("Britain" spelled backward) and discussed the differing traditions of "Exmas and Christmas". (For my money, Thucydides is better than Herodotus; both are the subject of this charming webcomic.)

Kirk did not, of course, make me read nothing but Homer. The Two Great Bores (Demosthenes and Cicero) could not be avoided. There were (oh glory!) Lucretius, Catullus, Tacitus, Herodotus.

He also goes on to note that he never read a single line of Caesar, which tends to be a seminal text in Latin literature due to its literary simplicity (no doubt intended by Caesar to make his propaganda dispatches accessible to the rank and file Roman citizenry whose political support he was seeking through their publication during the course of his foreign campaigns). That said, I hold Tacitus in the same esteem as him. I'm also amused by his disdain for Cicero. I actually received, as a college graduation gift from my friend Super Dave, a copy of Cicero's Orations, in Latin, that's more than a century old. I haven't read it (I know very little Latin, only a few words really), but Cicero was a political opponent of Caesar's, and I took exception with some of his policy stances when studying him in school. I just checked Wikipedia, and it reiterates my memory from HST 322: upon his assassination by two soldiers loyal to Marc Antony (against whom he had written scathing essays), his head was put on the rostra in the Senate, as were his hands in retaliation for having written the offending items in the first place.

So, those are my favorite C.S. Lewis quotes. Up next: Wilfred Thesiger.

Topic: Culinary Adventures

Not that it matters, but I feel as if I'm talking a lot about my time in Virginia. It's probably because of the various places where I lived the longest as an adult. Anyway, while I was in Virginia, I started trying to develop my cooking skills, with mixed results. Between my return to America from the Middle East, and my departure for Scotland, I did a bit more cooking, but not as much as I'd envisioned while I was overseas. In all honesty, I've had very little opportunity to cook over the last three years, and I'm actually looking forward to trying my hand at it again in the coming months.

I have a couple of cookbooks: A Man, A Can, A Plan by David Joachim, which was a gift from my former boss; and The Gitmo Cookbook, which is unfortunately no longer available. Joachim has apparently written a sequel entitled A Man, A Can, A Plan, A Second Helping, so I might try to get a hold of that. In case you're really curious about those recipes used at Gitmo, you can go to the website or table of contents of the Army's Joint Culinary Center of Excellence, or just download every American military recipe if you prefer. Of course, like anyone, I also get plenty of my recipes from the Internet.

So, one of the topics I'll discuss from time to time will be cooking. I'll post some of my favorite recipes (or ones that I intend to try), and talk about the various kitchen implements that I've used or intend to use. It should be fun.