Self Control and My Big Mouth

"All kinds of animals, birds, reptiles and sea creatures are being tamed and have been tamed by mankind, but no human being can tame the tongue. It is a restless evil, full of deadly poison."
- James 3:7-8

At some point when I was in college, I stopped into the parking lot of my high school to get my car washed by one of the teams of female athletes, who were running a fundraiser. I ended up briefly meeting their coach, who may have also been a teacher, and found out that she was engaged to a guy I went to high school with. The conversation somehow produced the key data point that she was engaged to a guy I'd gone to high school with, and I said something to the effect of "Wow, that's too bad, because that guy is a jerk." She politely expressed her dissent, and that was the end of it. We never ran across one another again.

In high school, I was voted "Most Outspoken" in my graduating class. One of my student newspaper advisors gave me an end-of-year award for "always being willing to share his insights on the world"; and my AP English teacher gave me an award that translated to "Most Self-Righteous," though that was at least partially in jest, because he also gave me an award at the same end-of-year event that said "Most Likely to Pose for a Nerd Poster." The obvious take-away is that those who knew the high school incarnation of me thought that I talked too much, and also that what I said rendered me somewhat unpleasant to be around.

I like to think I've gotten better of the years. I look back at many situations in my life, think to myself that I should have kept my mouth shut, and I try to let those regrets inform my behavior. I make an effort to listen more, and to talk less. My tone and many of my positions have moderated over the years. In some cases, I've been known to de-escalate or mediate situations, rather than escalating them. I like to think that there's almost nobody on the planet that I wouldn't buy at least one beer for, and willingly sit for ten or fifteen minutes of discussion, unpleasant though it might be.

I don't know what made me remember speaking to that coach at that car wash on this bright, beautiful June morning - wait, yes I do, I saw a photo of a woman who reminded me of a friend whom the guy in question once bragged about having taken advantage of while she was drunk, in earshot of multiple people. Anyway, as I reflect on it, it's one of the few examples of me opening my big, stupid mouth that I don't regret. That guy was a jerk, and I was right to say so.